- Spoiler: [+]
- Last day of May, a UGC bloke told us that we had a premoman on our team, and if we wanted to stay in Iron, we had to ditch him, else he'd move us to Silver. To this day, I don't know how that bloke got there, or why he was wearing nothing but a towel with Nigel Farage's face on it, but we decided to ditch the fucker and the chance of living the dream and going all the way up to the globally () respected division of Silver, and instead get stomped two divisions down, and get worse looking medals. However, to our horror, upon entering the season and playing our first official game, we discovered we were actually kind of good. We immediately took action to prevent a win happening again, such as axing S7en, easily our best player, who opened our eyes to such memorable tactics as building during setup time as the Boston Basher, a strat so monstrously effective, I doubt we would've survived the season without it. We also avoided using said tactic during any future games (Although Cavez did suggest it during the final, most likely out of fear, but we kept our pride and played fair). Sadly our efforts were to no avail, and we completely fucking flattened our opponents on Gullywash. In a pure desperation move, we did the only thing we could think of that might make us a shit team, and contacted a man named "Mugi", asking him to be the main medic. A player so talented at dying with full Uber we thought his mouse2 might be bound to explode (Later analysis confirmed it was actually just his mute Mumble hotkey); we thought he was sure to drag us down and ensure that we would lose more games. (oyea and we hired some scottish cunt because his pipe launcher was called butthole)
All seemed to be going well, as we lost the first round due to Mugi dropping like an Ethiopian internet connection, and we went into the second round with fresh hope. But disaster struck, as we then proceeded to win every subsequent round, cuz Slice got bored after 3 weeks of not seeing anyone to shoot at, and booted 7 members of the enemy team offline, then changed the server password and proceeded to lock the server into melee mode, before giving himself a Valve Rocket Launcher, noclip and micblasting Scotland the Brave. I think that's what happened, anyway, I didn't get much sleep the night before.
The message was clear: We were invincible, and no matter how hard we tried, we were incapable of losing a game. We made many attempts in the following weeks, but we were just too good, and we destroyed every team we so much as looked at, even going so far as to destroy teams in the divisions above us. Across the globe (), Make Tea Not War became a feared name, and word quickly arose of some cunt winning a midfight on Gullywash with a Family Business. We seemed set for fame and fortune, and even got a team sponsor (That totally isn't just some bloke I know irl), and Hollywood seemed set to follow. So we just sort of went with it for the bants, and embraced that we were just too good for general TF2, and lapsed into our new lives as gods walking among tiny, baby men.
And then Mal Med arrived. Not content with being shit even by Iron standards, they got their heavy to private his profile so that nobody could see he had like 1100 hours in TF2, and loaded up Le Mayobox. All hope seemed lost, as their heavy had some weird hack that gave him slowdown when he shot people, and took like NO damage, but luckily Global () managed to load up his own cheats in time and counterchet, meaning we scraped a narrow win. Sadly, this came with the loss of Global () from our roster, because chet, and we weren't allowed into the finals.
And then we played the finals, won, and got third place, because memes. THE END.
<b>12-0 IN IRON, SEE YOU IN SILVER BOYS</b>
Special mentions to:
-Global, for his noble sacrifice to let us win Week 11 despite them having a hakher hevy. He will be miss :c
-Yak, for loving Nigel Farage (And letting us use the UKIP tag)
-Nigel Farage, for being Nigel Farage (And inspiring the team name)
-This thing:
<div><b>Eine strange Family Business</b></div>
<div> </div>
For the demo pick on Gullywash mid, Week 2
-Kuuko, for giving us free shit, and getting a medal in return
-S7en, for the Boston Basher strat
-Phoxii, for choosing to stay with us instead of going to plat and being a div 1 edgy spy main
-Cryy, for not hacking
-Mugi, for inspiring about 50% of the team's binds dropping like a skyscraper in Pakistan and generally getting spied
-Slice, for feeding my ego by complaining that I wasn't leaving him anything to shoot at, and generally not doing anything due to lack of anything to do
-Solar, for being a hacking heavy without any hacks, and for having both 17 FPS average and the tightest arsehole I've ever had the pleasure to ram
-Potato, for having a pipe launcher called "butthole", a sticky launcher called "aaaaaaaaaaa" and being Scottish
-Me, for getting more med picks than Phoxii, changing my name mid-season to fuck with everyone's head and being the only person that so much as tried to keep comms clear
-Festive, for getting out
-Alca, for playing sniper Week 12 after Global got banned, plus whatever else he did
-Mclane, for literally everything negative about the team, particularly comms
-Madness, for... okay moving on
-Georgebaii, for that one game as spy that we let him play
-Cavez, for not playing Engineer
-Ginge, for having a name that means spunk
-Focus, for using the funfair and boobs as an excuse to not attend an official, and ragequitting in pregame <- Das ist die Wahrheit.
-iMarv, for making an SFM poster that none of us have seen
-LMAObox, for winning us Week 11
Tja, Platz 3 ist doch auch was wert, oder? Dumme cheater
</a>
</div>